Jake Lodwick’s Blog | Being gawked at

Aug 15

Being gawked at

A prominent online gossip publication has been writing mean articles about me lately. I don’t want to respond to those posts, but to zoom out and communicate how I cope with being relentlessly and publicly attacked. I hope to persuade friends and sympathizers that I’m ok, and perhaps share some techniques with other targets of online bullying.

I’ll start with this question: What does it feel like?

It feels exactly the same as being made fun of has always felt. It hurts for a minute, then you get over it. The medium has changed, the number of onlookers has changed, but the formula is the same. In my opinion, when someone acts aggressively, it has to hurt a little, just as it has to feel good when you’re thoughtfully complimented.

Sometimes I read the articles, sometimes I skip them. In any case, it always hurts and it’s always temporary.

How do you cope with it, emotionally?

By admitting that it hurts, and letting it pass. This was the crucial step in learning to deal with it. I accepted that other people have the power to negatively affect my mood. By giving in, the pain can pass through, quickly. Resistance to inevitable pain is what really hurts. I just admit that, let the pain do its thing for a few minutes, and move on to something else.

How do you cope with it, intellectually?

I tell myself that there are two clashing worldviews. There is my view, that a human being is in charge of his or her own life and, with sustained focus, can reach higher and higher achievement every week, gradually approaching (and maybe one day reaching!) a virtuous, peaceful, and happy life.

The other view is more of a victim mentality: that life happens to you, that infinite frustration and suffering are unavoidable, that the only reasonable way of coping with such an awful world is to attack whoever seems to actually enjoy life — because surely they are dishonest or crazy and must be brought back down to Earth.

Those with the second worldview didn’t ‘get the memo’ that we live in a future where each person chooses which media he or she consumes, and if you actually don’t want to see/read/watch something, you simply see/read/watch something else. There are infinite channels and the clicker is in your hand. But recall that (in my mind) these people reject the idea that an individual controls his or her own life.

Is there anything you’d like to say to your aggressors?

Sure: You might want to tone it down a little. Most people do not have my resilience. Eccentrics are delicate and need room to grow. Perhaps a gentler or more balanced approach to telling stories of our lives is in order. An attitude of “these guys are crazy but we love ‘em anyway” might be better for everyone than today’s apparent mission: “destroy the weirdos”.

You want us to live long and healthy lives; if we come out of our shells there will be more to write about, right?

Or maybe I’m projecting. Maybe you don’t want to thrive. Maybe your bleak worldview extends into the future indefinitely. Maybe symbiosis isn’t for you, the potential for love and peace are terrifying or impossible. Maybe life as a parasite appears your only choice, today and forever.

I would tell you to think twice, you do have other options, but something tells me you’re not actually listening.

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3 months ago